1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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