We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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