sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
