I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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