i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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