I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
