Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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