if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
