Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
