I'm really into asian looking animals
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize