beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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