You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I've blown a few things in my day
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
