I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
