oh god the rape fog is back!
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize