I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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