hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
