I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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