I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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