I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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