she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
