he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
as a side note pls kill me
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
