listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
