I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
