nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
love makes seman taste better
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
