I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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