i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
