i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
