ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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