i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
