I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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