How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize