I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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