I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
