I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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