I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
