Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
