Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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