I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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