you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
