im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize