yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
soo... how was my night?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
