The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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