just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
