I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
