What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
