and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
