it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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