She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Come share oat with me in your robe
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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