I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
