apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
