we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You ruined the universe
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
