Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
