Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
