Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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