I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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