So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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