the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
