You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
