what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
