I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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