This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
