remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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