Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
