I'll bet she douches with gravy.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
