My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Floor bacon is actually really good
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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