i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
