I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize