Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
