i don't like sucking hair
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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