the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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