I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Randomize
