Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
My life is pants optional.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize