She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
