What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
