Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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