I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
