My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize