My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
