I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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