So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
