garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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