i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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