my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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