that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
