Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
