fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Less talking, more tequila
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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