They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
