The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
