Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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