You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
