Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
