I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
a search helicopter?!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize