You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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