These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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