Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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