update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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