nutella sex= disaster
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
